Yup, just thought the title, without context was funny. I really wasn't trying to make fun of you. It was a rough day and your title made me smile.
I really did understand. Hopefully, when new applications come out, someone will write something that will enable you to do what you want/need to do. You're certainly not the first person to ask about it.
You might also want to add your voice by making a suggestion directly to Apple:
www.apple.com/feedback
Best of luck.