Hi Harry, the 212.xxxx address is the remote address I was accessing the server from. My external reverse dns may not be setup correctly but this didn't cause a problem under OS X client.
But to take the DNS out of the equation, I actually have to sites, one on 192.168.5.x subnet (where the server is) and another on 192.168.10.x subnet, connected together over VPN (not using OS X vpn, but vpn directly between the broadband routers at each site). I can ssh from the 10.x subtnet to the server no problem, and 10.x machines can use the 192.168.5.1 server DNS so there is no connection/firewall problem.
Also, from either site, server.mydomain.com points to 192.168.5.1 and 192.168.5.1 reverses to server.mydomain.com so DNS is correct.
But the 10.x addresses can nolonger access https on the 192.168.5.1 server (similar to external IPs, just no response from the server when telnetting to 443).
Interestingly, I have another machine running https server (non-OS X server) on 192.168.5.2 (same site as the problem server) and I can access that from 10.x network no problem, so the problem is definitely limited to the OS X server machine and most probably the apache config as it doesn't appear to be a firewall problem on OS X server.
To me, it just appears apache is ignoring any request from machines not on its subnet, but I've no idea what in the apache config could do this (or what limitations to look for). I've browsed httpd.config but nothing obvious stands out, but then I'm not really up on apache config.
I will try and make the sites on the same subnet but I'm away on work for a week (was trying to get this access working before going) so doubt I will have time to alter the site setups until I'm back. And even if that solves the connection issue from the second site, I doubt it will help with the external access issue as it won't have changed anything for that.
Cheers
Russell