i went into terminal, and set up the ssh thingy and it said something like, xx.xx.xx.xx was added to the list of secure servers.
That is expected. And I'm assuming ssh made the connection, so the -L 5922:localhost:5900 has created a tunnel between ports localhost:5922 and remote host's port 5900.
then i went to CotVNC and changed the port from 5900 to 5922, but now it's saying the connection was refused. did i do something wrong?
So far I do not think so. When you changed the CotVNC port did you also change the system address to "localhost"?
When you ran CotVNC, was it on the system where you also ran the
ssh command? The idea is that
ssh creates a tunnel from the system where you want to run CotVNC to the remote system (your Mac mini) where the VNC server is running.
If you did all the right things, then it should have accepted your connection unless the VNC server is refusing connections for some reason.
HOWEVER, the fact that you were able to to Mac mini to Mac mini (infinite screens), is a strong indication that the VNC server and VNC password are setup correctly, and that your problem is going over the network from your iBook to your Mac mini.
My suggestion to use
ssh from the iBook to the Mac mini would make the Mac mini think the VNC connection was really local, as the
ssh tunnel does not look like a remote connect to port 5900.
i tried connecting from the MM to the MM using port 5922 and the connection was refused just like it was on my ibook.
That would only work if you issued a separate
ssh command from the Mac mini to yourself on the Mac mini. The
ssh command you issued on the iBook only creates a tunnel from the iBook to the Mac mini. Think of the ssh tunnel like a phone call to your parents. Once you dial the number, you can not put your phone down and walk over to your neighbor's expecting to be able to pick up their phone and continue your converstation. But you can go upstairs to an extension phone and continue the same call. This ssh making the call (tunnel), and CotVNC using the establish call (port 5922).
but when i connect from the MM to the MM using the standard 5900 it still works....
That is still good news. It is a strong indication that your problems are network related.
if, for some reason, i wasn't in range of my mac mini could i use its IP address:5922 instead of localhost:5922?
No, BUT you are having good thoughts. An
ssh tunnel can be created across the internet (and it is a secure encrypted connection) if you have configured your router for port forwarding ssh and obtained a free dynamic DNS name from DynDNS.org or No-IP.com.
Setting you your
ssh tunnel would be similar to establishing it locally, only you would specify your dynamic DNS name (again assuming ssh had been properly port forwarded on your router). Now you would just have a longer tunnel, but CotVNC is still going to enter the localhost end of the tunnel and
ssh is going to wisk your request to your Mac mini's port 5900
ssh -L 5922:localhost:5900 dynamic.dns.name.of.Mac.mini
# CotVNC still uses localhost:5922
The choice of 5922 is any value you want. I choose 5922 because port 22 is the ssh port, so I just merged 5900 and 22. You could chose 43917 if you wanted to or any other high numbered random value less than 65535.