I was able to resolve my large file sending problem using the following commands
These instructions are tailored to Windows Small Business Server 2008 (SBS 2008) but they should work just fine with a standard exchange implementation
C:\Windows\System32\inetsrv>appcmd set config "SBS Web Applications/EWS" -section:requestFiltering -requestLimits.maxAllowedContentLength:<size
inBYTES>
For Full Blown Exchange 2007 you might want to use or whatever your sitename is where EWS lives in your environment
C:\Windows\System32\inetsrv>appcmd set config "Default Site/EWS" -section:requestFiltering -requestLimits.maxAllowedContentLength:<size
inBYTES>
Say you want to allow 50MB attachment the command should read as follows:
C:\Windows\System32\inetsrv>appcmd set config "Default Site/EWS" -section:requestFiltering -requestLimits.maxAllowedContentLength:52428800
this number will need to correspond to the maxRequestLength value in (this value will be in KB)
C:\Program Files\Microsoft\Exchange Server\ClientAccess\exchweb\EWS\web.config
<requestLimits maxAllowedContentLength="51200" />
I was put on to the right track by the following websites
http://www.fixya.com/support/t2879052-cannotsend_large_email_attachmentsnow
http://msexchangeteam.com/archive/2006/11/14/431477.aspx
http://www.exchange-genie.com/2007/11/how-to-set-message-size-limits-in-exchange -2007/