Thank God, I am not the only person who has suffered this problem.
I upgraded my computer thinking it was old and slow.
I read the comments in some one blog about this very issue.
url =
http://www.mcelhearn.com/?p=316 ("iTunes and Large Libraries: Still Slow, Slow, Slow")
They figure it is the size of the iTunes library not iTunes app itself that is the problem.
For every change minor (unchecking a tune), iTunes is re-writing the entire library file and thus the lag time and iTunes slow responsive time.
I look forward to Apple's or some one's work-around to this bugging problem.