So, after four genius bar visits and a couple months of frustration. I think I have finally got resolution to this problem, and so far my computer is working wonderfully. One caveat; my computer is a 15" model, and the crashing problems had extended far beyond using an external monitor. I could no longer watch videos, use graphics programs (photoshop, iphoto), play any video games, even visit some flash intensive websites without the black screen of death and having to hard restart my computer. My computer was getting practically unusable beyond just the monitor issue.
This last genius bar visit, I described the symptoms, the guy hooked up my computer to an old 17" viewsonic monitor with the mini displayport adapter. Within about a minute and a half, it crashed. While running diagnostics, it managed to crash 3 times with the monitor still hooked up. He made some notes, and then told me we where sending it out to the apple repair depot where they could better test and fix the computer. Apple shipped me a box, I stuck my computer in it Friday afternoon and dropped it at FedEx, and then received my computer back by 10am monday morning. I was pretty blown away at how fast it came back to me, and a little concerned they didn't do anything. But, according to the repair summary, they replaced my logic board, thermal assembly (read's "Thermal Assy" on the summary... so I'm not completely sure that's what it is) and two fans.
The computer has worked flawlessly all morning using the external monitor with the extended desktop, heavy graphics and videos. Nothing has made it fail yet. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it continues to work this well. I think that though I had similar issues to many people in this forum topic, my crashes pointed to either an extreme version of the issue that everyone had here or a different issue altogether that had similar symptoms. I couldn't even access my time machine back up through the time machine interface because of the graphic stuff happening there I guess. All that to say, being able to get this out to the repair depot made the difference for me. So I'm cautiously optimistic now that my computer is fixed. We'll se how it goes for the next couple of days.