In my experience, it is not every iPhone 4 that has this problem. My wife and I both have iPhone 4s, both of us use identical B&O bluetooth headsets. We are both using the latest 4.02 software.
My phone works fine, with my voice equally audible through the B&O or through the handset, a little less clear on speaker. It also works fine when bluetooth connected to my car.
My wife's phone is pretty much always muffled when on the B&O or speakerphone.
We tried exchanging the B&O bluetooth devices, and nothing changed.
Apple replaced my wife's iPhone 4 yesterday, but the problem is still there. A power off/on sometimes makes things better (although this is, of course, not a remedy, just more data).
I suggest that you keep asking for replacement phones until you get one that works. It may be a software issue, but it seems that not all hardware is affected. Since a power off/on can temporarily make the problem go away, the fact that a new phone works in the store may not be the end of the story.