Why such INSANELY long lockout periods for iPad?

If you’re seeing that number, then you are also seeing the notice that the device is disabled. There is only one solution to any iOS device indicating it is “disabled”. You must erase and restore the device in iTunes.

And it got to that point by repeatedly entering the wrong passcode, not just a one time attempt. The first mis-entered passcode has no lockout period at all. It takes 10 wrong passcode attempts in a row to disable a device, and the first 5 or 6 attempts induce no timeout at all (then it is something like 1min, then 15min, then 1hr and finally disabled).

I have my devices set to erase all content and settings if there are 10 failed attempts.

See https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT204306

locked out for x time before one can attempt to try and type in a new password

at any given time the owner of the ios device can restore it to factory setting by connecting it to a computer with iTunes installed

likely the insane amount of time is a legal thing as to oppose them just saying it's locked forever until restored to factory settings

You are asking other users who do not work for Apple and, according to the ToU here, are not allowed to speculate on Apple policies or decisions. You will need to address Apple.