Not turning on (amongst other issues)

Macbook Pro late 2017 with TouchBar. Two primary issues actually, but the second issue is obsolete if the first issue persists (i.e. it’s not even turning on).

Issue 1: It won’t power on. I have the same problem every time, it’s a matter of rolling the dice to see how many hours it’ll take to turn it on after I shut it down.

Issue 2: Though it doesn’t bother me as much as the first, I think it’s worth mentioning since it’s probably related: The TouchBar shows black display. It’s pretty difficult to adjust volume, brightness etc, like it’s a matter of guessing really.

Bonus:

Issue 3: Some keys have stopped functioning all together. It’s a hassle, it really is. But again, it’s not worth fixing if the trash excuse for an overpriced laptop won’t turn on in the first place.

Never been dropped nor experienced any physical abuse, no water damage. Consistently cleaned with eye glass cleaner which is supposedly safe for laptops.

I just don’t get it, I never had any of these problems with my older MacBook Pro (late 2013 model, still alive and functioning to this day, with a tired out battery of course as I refuse to pay an ridiculous amount for a new battery). Frankly I’m disappointed at how more explicit Apple is being with their whole planned obsolescence money-making scheme compared to years ago.

Anyway, the power thing— I’ve tried the force power on thing with shift-ctrl-optn + power then power again (which usually works before), to no avail. I’ve been bawling my eyes the past 4 hours doing this over and over again. Yes the laptop is plugged in, and has been since I’ve started attempting to turn it on, as I assume its battery is dead as it didn’t turn on immediately. Yes it’s charging, I plugged the charger into my AirPods just to check if it’s the charger at fault.

Can someone just tell me what else I can do? Because I am so close to throwing this piece of overpriced trash out the window and getting myself a new HP laptop instead— at least their tech support is always free, I think.