how do you disable ongoing sync so backup options aren't greyed out???

MacOS Catalina latest 10.15.2. I'm connecting a new iPad Pro with the latest iPadOS 13.3. I want to restore from an existing backup. But the Restore Backup and the Backup Now buttons are greyed out! I've been waiting for an hour already. How do you stop the useless sync so the backup related buttons are again active??? i can't believe how bad mac os has become! please HELP!