Can't Restore Apple TV Gen 4

We have two problems working together...Nearly simultaneously we lost our Apple remote and changed our WiFi router and now can't control our Apple TV at all.

We purchased a new Siri remote and despite trying everything, we can't get the remote to sync. There's an error message saying "move it closer". We do that but no amount of "closeness" seems to generate a sync.

After we lost our remote we were just using the remote app on our phones (which we like better than the remote) but with the new wifi router and network we can't access the unit, presumably because of network communication.

We have attempted to restore the device using iTunes and my Macbook connected via USB but iTunes says "the firmware on your apple TV is too old".

Any ideas? Why couldn't Apple put on of those paper-clip reset buttons on the unit. Any case, ideas on A) getting the remote or B) restoring it