iPad- NEVERENDING FRUSTRATION

I am so frustrated. I love Apple and have been using since they went Unix in 2001, but the Apple recovery process for iPhones/iPads is HORRIBLE. My son got a new iPad for his birthday and immediately forgot his PIN and locked himself out. I have been trying for 1.5 days now to get it reset.

Mac Mohave 10.14.6 (no thanks Catalina no 32 bit support) with iTunes

-Go through reset process attached to my Macbook. Constantly trying to contact the update server despite the download there (~/Library/iTunes/iPad Software Update). Will not recognize the file is there

-in iTunes option click on Update, point directly to firmware, goes through entire process, reboot the iPad, I think i'm good but OH NO... all it did was reinstall the firmware and i am STILL LOCKED OUT.

-All the while this is happening if any of these things take too long the iPad will time out and go back to lock screen.

Does anything work?????? How in the **** is this such a complicated process????