I cannot reset the screen time password... I cant even reset the ipad back to factory

If you have forgotten the ScreenTime passcode, one of these two procedures should resolve the problem:

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT211021

If your iPad is capable of supporting iPadOS 13.x, you should update to the most current version before attempting to resolve a forgotten ScreenTime passcode. The most recent iPadOS updates have introduced a new mechanism whereby a forgotten ScreenTime passcode can be reset without wiping the iPad.

To reset a forgotten ScreenTime passcode on older versions of iOS/iPadOS, the iPad must be reset “as new”, losing all locally stored data.

I hope this information is helpful to you in successfully resetting your forgotten passcode.

Hello,

Please refer to the following Apple Support document.

If you can't update or restore your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support