Hey LALA_VA2020
We understand that you're unable to update your Apple Watch or pair it with your iPhone. We will do our best to assist. After performing each step, test to see if you're able to pair/update the Apple Watch.
To get started, make sure that the iPhone has a recent backup, and that it is up-to-date by following the steps here: Update your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch
If that doesn't resolve it, unpair the Apple Watch and set it up as new instead of a backup. Also make sure the iPhone is connected to a compatible Wi-Fi network: About Bluetooth, Wi-Fi, and cellular on your Apple Watch
Make sure the date, time and time zone is correct on the device. You can check the time zone under Settings > General > Date & Time. Also, make sure Set Automatically is enabled.
If VPN or security software is being used on the iPhone, it may be interfering with the pairing and activation process. Try disabling or removing it temporarily.
If there is an Apple Watch software update file listed in Settings, General > iPhone Storage, swipe left to delete it.
Delete and reinstall the Watch app on the iPhone: How to delete apps on your iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch
Temporarily disconnect any other Bluetooth accessories connected to the iPhone.
Connect the iPhone with a different Wi-Fi network.
Reset network settings. Go to Settings > General > Reset > Reset Network Settings. This also resets Wi-Fi networks and passwords, cellular settings, and VPN and APN settings that you've used before.
Take care.