In family sharing can we (husband and wife) combine and update one contact and calendar file?
i care to share my contacts and calendar with my wife. We have separate Apple ID
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Great Question. The short answer is that you can share a Calendar(s) on iCloud via Family Sharing however you cannot share a contact list via Family Sharing on an iPhone.
The long answer is that open the Calendar App ➔ Calendars ➔ Choose the iCloud Calendar and tap on the "i" ➔ Share With: Here you can share with your family member. Note that this only works on a calendar that is created in iCloud.
The Contacts list requires two Apple IDs to exist (You and Your Spouse) on a single iPhone for contacts and that is not possible. On the lighter side of things, this is possible on a Mac. macOS will allow you to add a second iCloud email/calendar account under internet accounts and thus allowing your to share two contact lists associated with separate Apple IDs. Of course, this does not solve your iPhone / Contacts issue but I thought that I'd just mention.
Axel F.