Battery is not charging Macbook Pro 13" 2017

I've done that twice now. I've removed the power USB-C cable during reboot. Left side Option and Control. Right side Shift and Power (touch bar sensor). Consequently, I'm now down to 5% battery. Plugged in. Not charging.

I also shut it down completely and left it connected to wall power in the hopes that turning off the Macbook would disable whatever 'feature' has decided that my battery won't charge. >4 hours of charging with the Macbook shut down and no battery charging.

At this point, I'm beyond frustrated. My expensive laptop is now a tiny desktop with the bonus feature of no longer working if the last 5% discharges.

Update: After resetting the chip several times and chatting with support (who recommended a full reinstall of the OS which I skipped because I was at <10%) I gave up and ordered new Apple™️ power USB-C cables in case the one I had decided to suddenly stop working. I leave the laptop plugged in and go to work.

In the evening I get home, open the package and prepare to quickly swap out the USB cable.

When I open the laptop, it's at 100%.

After using ~50% of the battery last night, I plugged it back in to the exact same spot and went to bed. This morning, I open the Macbook and I'm at 51% and battery is not charging.

I want to know how to get to the broken OS settings that control charging to I can set them myself.

More information. Battery is normal, just not accepting a charge.

I've got the T1, not the T2. Just reset the SMC using left-side Shift, Control, Option and the touch bar power. No change.