So I found what had to be done.
My kid's iPad is linked via a family account to my wife and my phone. We found by calling Apple Tech center that a linked kids account doesn't have a forgot passcode on it but the parent's account did. (It makes sense because then the kid would simply hit "forgot passcode" every time they ran out of screen time). So, for a family plan with linked kids accounts, the forgot passcode is on the parent's part.
It should be noted. Before we noticed this, a kid could theoretically change the passcode from their iPad on the kid's account. Now that we've used the forgot passcode on the parent's account the kid can no-longer see an option to change passcode. So in case someone finds this must later and has a "no change passcode or forgot passcode" in their search engine, there's a possible and likely answer. It has to be changed from the parent's account.
Thanks for the help LotusPilot