Hello SotoFamily.
Thank you for using Apple Support Communities. It looks like you have some questions and concerns with the Ask To Buy feature. We'd like to help share some information with you.
The best way to control purchases for a child is by setting up Family Sharing and then enabling Ask To Buy. When a child initiates a new purchase or free download, Ask To Buy allows parents to approve or decline the request. We do have a few helpful resources that explain how Family Sharing works and how to enable Ask To Buy. Please check out the following links:
What is Family Sharing?
Turn on Ask To Buy for children on iPhone
Turn on Ask to Buy for Family Sharing purchases
Approve what kids buy with Ask To Buy
As we mentioned before, this feature works with new purchases or free downloads. This includes in-app purchases as well. If Ask to Buy isn't properly working for you, please check out these resources:
If Ask to Buy isn't working
We hope this information is useful. Kind regards.