KEYNOTE ios remote control

i cant seem to add, or have ANY ios device see each other to remote control a presentation in keynote.

I cant add a device (they are both ios14, both on the same network, both have bluetooth on.

once i GET a device to SAY its added, it then NEVER sees the ios device with the RUNNING presentation. EVER. AT ALL.

The instructions are nebulous (and i think are leaving out a critical step). And its very frustrating, because once in the past it actually DID work. what gives?

devices tried are - iphone 7, ipad pro 10 inch. ipad pro 12 inch. (all are os14)

side question- why is this forum so hard to find from apples page???