Airpods Pro won't connect to iphone XS Max

I just got airpods pro and have had pairing issues out the box, I've reset my phone to factory settings. update AirPod firmware. They connect to my late model macbook pro and 2018 ipad, also connect to my mom's iphone 8. My 1st generation airpods connect to my iphone xs max and other devices but the new airpods pro won't connect to my iphone xs max... anyone else having these problems and know a solution?