I DO NOT HAVE WIFI I ONLY HAVE MOBILE DATA INTERNET I DO NOT PAY ANY SERVICE PROVIDER FOR INTERNET SO MY XS MAX WONT UPDATE PLEASE HELP

iOS updates require Wi-Fi.

You’ll need to do your update on a Wi-Fi network, whether a coffee shop, or an Apple Store, a bookstore, library, or otherwise.

Or you’ll need a hotspot on another iPhone or iPad, and use that for an update.

Use of Wi-Fi is expected and generally required.

For Wi-Fi: Coffee shop, hotel lobby, library, cafe, Apple Store, most fast food shops, your cellular provider’s store, etc.

Your only options are Wi-Fi, or to use a computer (possibly via your iPhone as a hotspot to stage the update), or to use a hotspot.

Why? The cellular providers do not want large wads of data downloaded via cellular, as they’d have to enlarge their networks to support that. And for many folks, an iPhone update would blow through their data caps. Cellular data costs more. Sometimes much more.

Update (variously very expensive) via hotspot: https://mashtips.com/update-iphone-without-wifi-using-cellular-data/

You will have to find a Wi-Fi hot spot somewhere. Good bets are Starbucks, MacDonalds, most coffee shops and diners, and just about all public libraries. Plus, of course, neighbors you are friendly with.

A hotspot on another phone or iPad will not work. However, a MiFi or equivalent will.

that's for automatic updates.. if it doesn't give you the option to update manually, turn off automatic updates. If it still doesn't show, restart your iPhone.

You will need to be connected to wifi, probably best to make sure you're fully charged too.

are you sure that another iPhone/iPad hotspot would work for someone to update?

I read this user tip as that not being an option..

Updating iOS: common issues and solutions - Apple Community

2nd set of bullets, 2nd bullet

ha ha, you're not an idiot. The kids grow up with this stuff!