how can i change my i phone password with out deleting all my stuff because i never changed my i phone password to a 4 digit number my passsword was a 6 digit number and its saying that i have to put a 4 digit number and now im locked out of my phone

If you have forgotten your Screen Time passcode

Use this link to reset your passcode If you forgot your Screen Time passcode - Apple Support

If you are unable to reset Screen Time passcode from the this-> link then, you will need a computer. If you don't have one, borrow from a friend.

Forgot? Click below to reset…

Click->If you forgot the passcode for your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch, or your ...

Regarding your data, If…

1. You have an iCloud or iTunes backup, I am sorry there is no use of a backup because if you restore from your backup your Screen Time Passcode will be back. 
2. You have synced your data to iCloud, then what you will get back is what you have synced to iCloud and uploaded to iCloud Drive; like the information that are synced and stored in iCloud are, Contacts, Calendars, Bookmarks, Mail, Notes, Voice Memos, shared photos, iCloud Photos*, Health data, call history, and files you store in iCloud Drive. (*-If you had turned on iCloud Photos, your content is automatically stored in iCloud.)
3. You have not imported nor you have synced nor uploaded your data to cloud drives prior to forgetting the Screen Time passcode then I am sorry, all your data is lost.

this video is useless, how are you supposed to get to settings IF YOU CAN"T REMEMBER YOUR PASSWORD!!!! FFS! You lock me out of my own data with no way to recover it. SORRY BUT YOU"LL JUST HAVE TO LOOSE EVERYTHING AND ERASE IT ALL. HAVE A NICE DAY. F YOU APPLE.

Probably you are referring to Screen Time Passcode which is always 4 digit.