Can't connect to internet by wifi or cellular

For some reason this morning, my iPhone 12 Pro will not connect to the internet by wifi or cellular. I can get texts and use bluetooth, but can't go online. I also can't get CarPlay to connect. I have not tried making a phone call because it's too early in the morning to call anyone. Multiple restarts have not fixed the issue and neither has resetting network settings, toggling airplane mode on and off, or swearing at it. I'm at the 'throw it against the wall' stage, honestly.

It says I'm connected to the internet via wifi in the settings, but I do not see the icon in the top corner. I don't have the greatest cellular signal in my office, but today I'm actually getting more bars than usual. No joy. I'm getting notifications for news stories, but the articles won't load because it says I'm not connected to the internet. I updated to iOS 14.7.1 day before yesterday, but yesterday everything was fine. PLEASE HELP ME!!! If I have to be at work, I need my podcasts and XM.