Hello, SuperMacMe!
From your post it sounds like you are having issues with Do Not Disturb. We’re glad that you reached out to the Apple Support Communities and want to try and help get you pointed in the right direction.
Based on your description, you’ll want to use the feature that’s called “Driving Focus” which is a bit different compared to or Do Not Disturb.
Be sure to set it up using the steps found in the section here “Turn on Auto-Reply”: Use Driving Focus on your iPhone to concentrate on the road
All available features related to Focus can be found here: Use Focus on your iPhone, iPad or iPod touch
Take care!