group message

If you are using a Group Message that contains both iOS and non-iOS uses, then you may not see group responses from the non-iOS users. That is a fault of SMS, which is what the message becomes if there are mixed users. See this support document and the section Group SMS. Send a group text message on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support

My husband and I both have an XR. He can see and respond to the group message, while I can see the messages come in as individual messages. If I respond I am only responding to a single person, not the group. Our settings are the same. I've checked privacy settings as well. What do I need to do to have the same experience as him since we have the same phone?

To be honest, if your two phones are configured with exactly the same settings under Messages, I cannot say why only one of you can see the group's messages. Do you have MMS Messaging and Group Messaging turned on? If so, then I cannot provide an explanation.