I don’t have my Apple TV remote and I’m tryin to connect my iPhone how do I do that

What is your model Apple TV? Identify your Apple TV model - Apple Support

Set up the Apple TV Remote on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support

The Apple TV (4th generation or later) should be straight-forward to pair with, as described, if both devices are already on the same home network.

The Apple TV (3rd generation) needs a functional remote to set up the Apple TV Remote widget in Control Center.

For the Apple TV (3rd generation), your options are:

• buy a replacement Apple Remote (aluminum);
• temporarily borrow an Apple Remote (aluminum) to help set up the software remote;
• restore the Apple TV and connect a wireless keyboard to help set up the software remote;
• restore the Apple TV and connect the CiderTV Mac app to help set up the software remote.

The Apple TV (2nd generation) is not compatible with the Apple TV Remote widget in Control Center.

For the Apple TV (2nd generation), your option is:

• buy a replacement Apple Remote (aluminum).

You can also connect a Bluetooth Keyboard when running the initial setup.

I just did that with an Apple TV 3rd Generation

Thank you. I thought I listed that (third bullet point). Did you do it differently?

Oh I missed that. Sorry ^^