What mail do you need to find? If you know your Apple ID, that email address is the main email address associated with your account. If you need to find the rescue email, you have to log into your Apple ID account to see what email address is listed as the rescue email address.
I suggest you contact Apple ID Support to try to get your account activated again. If you can do that, then you can try to reset your security questions so you can log into the account. See the Apple Support articles below for contact information.
Apple ID - Official Apple Support. -
Contact Apple for help with Apple ID account security - Apple Support. * (Link doesn’t always load)
Get Support - Work through the screens to get a chat option. You may have to pick a slightly different problem.
Apple Support schedule phone call. -
Apple on Twitter
From the Apple Support article below.
Without proof of your identity via security questions and other carefully selected criteria, Apple Support can't help you reset a password or perform any other actions on your account. These policies are audited and reviewed on a regular basis.
Security and your Apple ID - Apple Support. *