Disabled iPhone XR not being recognized by iTunes

Make sure that you are following the steps to put the device into Recovery Mode here. If you see the Restore screen on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support

It may also be necessary to check the instructions here. If your computer doesn't recognize your iPhone, iPad, or iPod - Apple Support

Connect iPhone to Computer / Mac

Settings > Touch/Face ID & Passcode > USB Accessories > [Enable]

You haven't mentioned whether you have a PC or Mac. However...

1. Use your USB lightening cable --> Resolve USB-related alerts in iTunes - Apple Support
2. If unable to connect --> If iTunes doesn't recognize your iPhone, iPad, or iPod - Apple Support
3. If your computer is a...
   1. Mac --> If your computer doesn't recognize your iPhone, iPad, or iPod ...
   2. Windows PC —> Troubleshooting issues with iTunes for Windows - Apple Community
4. Use genuine cable --> Identify counterfeit or uncertified Lightning connector accessories ...
5. See how to --> Sync your iPhone, iPad, or iPod using iTunes on your computer ...
6. To reset the passcode for disabled iPhone -> If you forgot the passcode for your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch, or your ...
7. Learn how to--> Update your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support

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