Struggling with activation lock and it seems like my step dad forgot the Apple ID how can we be helped

the only option will be to contact apple for an activation lock support request. You will need original proof of purchase with serial numbers

If you need help removing Activation Lock and have proof of purchase documentation, you can start an Activation Lock support request.

How to remove Activation Lock - Apple Support

See if he can recover the ID/password. An iCloud e-mail address is an Apple ID. Use every email address he can think of.

Apple ID - How to find your Apple  -  

Apple ID - Find  -     

Other ways to find his Apple ID

He can check to see if he is signed in to the App Store, FaceTime, or Messages on his iPhone, iPad, iPod touch, or Mac, or check to see if he is signed in to iTunes for Windows on a PC. He can also go to iCloud.com or appleid.apple.com and see if his Apple ID prefills on the sign-in screen.   

If he forgot the Apple ID (iCloud) password, enter the Apple (iCloud) ID, and click Forgot Password. See if he can get a Rescue or Notification email option if necessary. Link to contact Apple Support at the end of the 2nd article.

Apple ID - Manage

Apple ID – Forgot Password  *      

If he has 2 Factor Authentication enabled, if he can't recover the password using the steps above, he will need to use Account Recovery. The Recovery Process is an automated process and the length of time it takes can vary a lot. Apple ID Support can only answer his questions. They can't intervene in or speed up the process. The article below has some suggestions to shorten the time the process takes.

Apple ID - Recover your Apple ID with two-factor authentication account recovery.   *