I want to update to iOS 13

If your device is capable of upgrading to a higher IOS, you won't be offered a chance to upgrade to IOS 13.

Is your device compatible to update to the new version? See the article(s) below. 

IOS 15 and iPadOS 15 Compatible Devices.  *

iOS 14 and iPadOS 14 Compatible Devices.  *

iOS 13 and iPadOS are compatible with these devices - Apple Support.  *

See the articles below.

Update your iOS device.  -

Get help with over-the-air iOS updates  -

Update – Can’t or can’t restore   -

Have you tried using iTunes on a computer or Finder if running Catalina or later to do the update?

Update software on iOS devices in iTunes on Mac. -

Phone, iPad, or iPod touch - Update with Finder.  *

iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Update with iTunes.  *

If you see an error when you update or restore your iPhone, iPad, or iPod    *

Updating iOS: common issues and solutions.  -

ASC YouTube for  how to update your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch to the latest version of iOS or iPadOS —wirelessly or using your computer.

Your husband can listen to your music if you are sharing an Apple ID. We have no way of knowing if he listens to your music or not.