Family sharing/screen time not working at all

I’m incredibly frustrated because I just purchased two new ipad with the expectation that I could set them up to safely be used by my two young boys. I’ve been at this for hours and have gotten nowhere. The “ask to buy” feature does not send me any notifications (and I’ve checked and checked), so I frustratingly had to turn it off to download any apps for them. I cannot set up any contacts for them via my phone, they don’t save on my phone, and they never push to the ipad devices. Every time I go into settings>My name>Family sharing> child’s name> Screen time> Childs name> Communication limits, NONE of the contacts I’ve entered are there. I’ve tried to add contacts 5 times

I also cannot access the Touch ID or Ipad passcode to add their fingerprints or change the passcode to something easier for them to remember.

I’m about ready to quit and return the iPad’s. Someone please help