I cant install the updates noatter how i try, it keeps telling me connection problem

Check to make sure that you don't have any updates already stored on the phone that have not been installed.

Home Screen > Settings > General > iPhone Storage

Scroll down to look for any iOS updates

If found, tap on the update

Select Delete Update and tap again to confirm

Power off the restart the iPhone

Try to run the update again

If still no luck and you are trying to update using WiFi, try connecting the iPhone to a computer

If you are connected to a computer, try updating using WiFi

Still no luck.....time to head to the Apple Store or Apple Service shop