it keeps saying it failed to download my update

Before any iOS / iPadOS update, please do the following

• You need to Identify your iPhone model - Apple Support
• It is also recommended that you either take a backup on iTunes or iCloud --> How to back up your iPhone, iPad, and iPod touch

VPN or proxy connections might prevent your device from contacting the update servers.

• Get help with over-the-air iOS updates - Apple Support
• Remove and download the iOS update again

If you still can't install the latest version of iOS, try downloading the update again:

1. Go to Settings > General > [Device name] Storage.
2. Find the iOS update in the list of apps.
3. Tap the iOS update, then tap Delete Update.
4. Go to Settings > General > Software Update and download the latest iOS update.

If you don’t see the update in the list of apps or if the issue happens again, you need to update your device with iTunes.

Try updating iOS after each step.

• Try to Forget the WiFi network and add it again
• Try another WiFi network 
• Toggle sets automatically off and then on
• Reset your network settings
• Force restart your device
• Remove any beta profiles, if applicable
• If everything fails: - Use iTunes or Finder (for macOS Catalina+) to update your device instead of over-the-air
• Get help with iOS update and restore errors - Apple Support
• If you see an error when you update or restore your iPhone, iPad

Assuming you're trying to update your device wirelessly, and bearing in mind that to perform such a procedure you need to connect your device to a reliable and fast Wifi Network with Internet access (no cellular data, unless you use a 5G network, no personal hotspot on your device, no VPN connections are admitted, no Low Power Mode enabled, and I suggest that you keep the device plugged into power during the whole update process), read this support article:--> If your iPhone, iPad or iPod touch won’t update

Also, make sure your device is NOT running a Beta operating system version. Should be this case, you need to remove it before installing any official iOS/iPadOS releases, as per these instructions:--> How to uninstall iOS or iPadOS beta software - Apple Support.

DO NOT forget to create a full backup of your device before updating its operating system, and keep in mind that, depending on the available storage on your device and/or on your wifi network speed, it might take 30-60 minutes to complete the entire update process.

If the issue persists or if the iOS version currently running on your device is very old, try to update it via computer (if you don't have a computer borrow one from your friends/neighbors, or ask for help at an Apple Store or Authorized Service Provider), then learn how to update your device manually if you're using a Mac with macOS Catalina or later, or if you're using a Mac with macOS Mojave or earlier or a Windows PC.

If you still get no help, contact Apple Support directly, using this link:--> Get Support

Regards

Giulio