Hi there BadServiceHater,
We're happy to help. To start, you'll want to be sure your Apple Watch and paired iPhone meet these requirements:
Before you start
- Make sure that you have the latest software on your iPhone and your Apple Watch.
- Check for updates to your carrier settings.
- Make sure that you have an eligible cellular service plan with a supported carrier. Your iPhone and Apple Watch must use the same carrier,* and you must be within your carrier's network when you set up cellular on your watch.
- If you have an enterprise or corporate cellular service plan, check with your company or carrier to see if they support this feature. Pre-paid accounts and some older accounts aren’t currently supported. To make sure that your account is eligible, contact your carrier.
You'll find this information here: Set up cellular on Apple Watch - Apple Support
Keeping that in mind, you mentioned not knowing how to connect your cellular plan from your iPhone; you need a separate eligible cellular service plan for your Apple Watch through the same wireless carrier you're using for your iPhone. You can't piggyback your iPhone cellular connection to get a cellular connection on your Apple Watch. Make sure you've contacted your carrier to set up a plan for your Apple Watch. To see if your carrier is supported, check out this link: Apple Watch - Carriers - Apple
If the information above doesn't seem to help, you'll want to contact your carrier for more help.
Take care.