security lockout

If it is locked out the only option is to erase your phone. You can then restore your most recent backup.

If your device has iOS 15.2 or later installed, you can reset it without a computer; check out this link→How to reset your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch when you forgot your passcode - Apple Support. Otherwise you will need a computer:

See this Apple support link→If you forgot the passcode on your iPhone, or your iPhone is disabled - Apple Support

Or watch this companion video ⬇️

After restoring the phone using one of the methods above you can restore your most recent backup.

My kids have been playing with my iPad and now I’m locked out.

and it looks like the only way is to restore the iPad.

this is a really bad approach. I should be able to unlock with my Apple ID.

apple has done really good wit user experience and this is the only time that I’ve considered going back to android.

The only place your passcode exists is on your phone, and it is the encryption key for the encrypted storage on your phone, so the only way Apple could allow access to a disabled phone would be to include a “back door”, something the FBI and repressive governments around the world have been pressuring Apple (and Google) to do for many years.

Instead, Apple gives you multiple ways to back up and sync your phone, some of them automatic and daily. This also protects your data if your phone is lost, stolen or thrown under a bus.