How do I pair my Apple TV with my iPhone

What is your model Apple TV? Identify your Apple TV model - Apple Support

Connect for what?

• To display app content on Apple TV, use AirPlay. Pairing is optional for that.
• To use the software remote on iPhone, use the Remote widget in Control Center. Pairing is optional for that.
• For other uses, please elaborate.

Pair your iOS device or Mac with your Apple TV - Apple Support

Use AirPlay to stream video or mirror your device’s screen - Apple Support

Set up the Apple TV Remote on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch - Apple Support

You don't.

What are you trying to do?