my "sharing" fitness friends rings are greyed out and he didnt stop sharing, competition not showing up either

Hey there RunnerMom615,

Thanks for reaching out to the Apple Support Communities. If having issue with your friends activity not appearing as expected, we'd first recommend ensuring that you and your friends devices are updated to the latest software version. Check out the resources below for help with updating:

Update your iPhone or iPad - Apple Support

Update your iPhone or iPad wirelessly

1. Back up your device using iCloud or your computer.

2. Plug your device into power and connect to the internet with Wi-Fi.

3. Go to Settings > General, then tap Software Update.

4. If you see more than one software update option available, choose the one that you want to install.

5. Tap Install Now. If you see Download and Install instead, tap it to download the update, enter your passcode, then tap Install Now. If you don't know your passcode, learn what to do.

Update your Apple Watch - Apple Support

Update your Apple Watch using your iPhone

You can wait until Apple Watch notifies you when a new update is available. Tap Update Tonight in the notification, then go to your iPhone to confirm that you want to update overnight. At the end of the day, leave your Apple Watch and iPhone charging overnight so the update can complete.

Or you can update your Apple Watch with your iPhone manually:

1. On your iPhone, open the Apple Watch app, then tap the My Watch tab. 

2. Tap General > Software Update.

3. Download the update. If asked for your iPhone passcode or Apple Watch passcode, enter it. 

4. Wait for the progress wheel to appear on your Apple Watch. It could take from several minutes to an hour for the update to complete. 

Also check out the information in the additional resource under the "Get help with Activity Sharing" section for more help: Share your Activity and compete with friends with your Apple Watch - Apple Support

Let us know if still having issues after going through the steps above, and we'll continue from there.

Have a great day!