Happy to help. I am an ex software developer (including developing on iPad) and moving from Android to Apple (as I am hooked on Apple Fitness). And I want to harmonize devices with my wife. I see pros and cons of both ecosystems.
To answer your questions...
2. I unpaired and as expected, it will no longer pair with the ancient iPhone SE
Can you add to this? What were you seeing on the watch at this point? Did it seem to freeze when the phone screen said "Pairing"?
I tried a few things. I tried to pair throw the automatic pairing by bringing up the Watch app on my old iPhone SE. It had me put the image of the Apple watch in the field of view with the pulsating cloud screen. It then gave me a dialog saying my phone's OS was too old and out of date.
I then tried to pair manually and it went further but resulted in the same thing.
The phone/watch can clearly see each others OS version and take action...
My watch claimed it was on the latest OS (which it was due to the old phone) but this is a bit misleading.
Correct! It was as up to date as it could be considering the the current iOS of the phone in which it was paired to. There almost needs to be some informational screens providing further details. This could be something that I will submit a user feedback on.
I find this very frustrating. It should have said something like "your phone and watch will work but can not access and do some of the latest stuff as they are not on the latest and greatest" (or something similar). I spent a lot of time thinking I was on the latest.
To be fair, I was surprised it paired but it was crippled.
What did you mean by "crippled" here?
In your original post, you mentioned missing faces. What else was going on? The sleep tracking wasn't working, yes, anything else? (Sleep tracking, as far as I know, came along with watchOS 9 and iOS 16.)
Basically those two things. But I am sure there are others. "Crippled" was perhaps a bit of an overreaction. :-)
And even when installing the new iOS, it was listed as installed but was really not until I did multiple steps on the current iPhone and watch.
Did you mean "...when installing the new watchOS..."? And then are you talking about your wife's phone as the "Current" phone?
This was when I paired with my wife's iPhone on the latest iOS. The watch OS update took a long, long time. I get it as it is a major update. But at one point, the watch said it was on 9.3 and when I tried to do stuff - it was clear the OS was not fully installed. I poked around and had to do a few more things like agree to T&Cs. It was not a straightforward process.
I do find it a shame I have to wait. I did try to add it "as a family member" on my wofes phone but it is not cellular so it did not work. I had a slim hope that it might work as it had been setup once and my Apple ID has a watch added and working earlier that day. But I knew it was a long shot.
Apple clearly knows how to lock down their devices.... :-) The only reason I got the watch is for Apple Fitness. I would have held off but the free work phone made it workable. It would seem that Apple is missing a trick in not letting someone buy the latest and greatest watch and use it. Especially when I have Apple TV (and my wife has an iPad, iPhone and Apple watch). Getting a family member to get a watch is a big ask. And then asking them to make it Cellular is a bigger ask. I have Apple TV - that should be enough (along with a new watch)?
I would have gotten the watch sooner if I could have used it for Fitness with Apple TV.
Once I have the new phone - I will confirm all works as it should. But it will...Thanks!