Dictation not working - Mac Ventura 13.4.1

Ah, the elusive MacBook "Pro". Dictation acting up is like a rite of passage for MacBook owners. You're officially in the club!

So, you've dived into settings and sacrificed your plist files to the tech gods, huh? And still, nothing? Sounds about right. Okay, let's see if there's anything left in the magical troubleshooting hat.

1. **Software Updates:** I know, I know. But have you actually made sure your macOS is up to date? Sometimes, it's just that simple. (Ha! Just kidding. It's never that simple.)

2. **Microphone Check:** Maybe your MacBook is having a moment and forgot it has a microphone. Go to 'System Preferences' > 'Sound' > 'Input' and talk to see if the microphone levels react.

3. **Reboot:** The oldest trick in the book. If you haven't restarted your MacBook since the Clinton administration, maybe give it a try?

4. **Network**: Dictation sometimes needs a solid internet connection to work. If you're leeching off your neighbor's WiFi, it might not cut it.

5. **Language Settings**: Maybe your MacBook's going through an identity crisis. Check your language settings in 'System Preferences' > 'Keyboard' > 'Dictation.' Make sure it aligns with your linguistic prowess.

6. **Siri**: If Siri also isn't working, it might be a systemic issue. If Siri works but dictation doesn't, your MacBook might just be picking favorites.

7. **Contact Apple Support**: If all else fails, you can always ring up Apple's delightful customer service, where you'll be walked through the same steps you've already tried, for the umpteenth time.

Last-ditch effort: Create a new user account and test dictation there. If it works, congrats, it's just your profile that's cursed. If it still doesn't work, well, at least you've got a shiny paperweight.

Let's hope your MacBook decides to start living up to its "Pro" moniker.

Thank you for your excellent answer. The snark helped my blood pressure. I had, of course, tried all these to no avail, but probably engaged inadequate snark. However I’ve found a partial solution. Works sporadically in some apps:

1. Close and reopen current document. Repeat approximately 14 times.
2. Close and reopen application. Repeat according to paste.
3. If that doesn't work, leave both app and current document open. Make tea, clean living room, return.
4. If it still isn't working, you've done it wrong. Try washing up.
5. If that doesn't work, leave Mac asleep for a couple of days without touching anything. On waking, I can almost guarantee dictation will now work, at least in Mail. It will also work in Preview as long as you don't edit the text or hit Enter. It will not work in MS Word, but I can't fix everything.

As you were.

Best answer ever. I’ve been a MacBook user since 1992. I used to cut them an enormous amount of slack, even when I had to monthly reinstall the entire system. Less so now that Steve is gone.

I got that same “create a new profile” answer when Apple Calendar randomly erased all of my signatures.

I've of course, tried all these but I thank you for your snark and effort.

I love #7, but you forgot how you'll get to talk to three very friendly and empathetic technicians who will make you repeat every step you've already related and then ask you to try one more time as you watch the sands in the hourglass of your life slip away.

Somewhere there is a Mac that works like it should, but I doubt it's in my zip code.