how do i turn off over th air sync on my iPhone 13 pro when syncing with my laptop with a cable? I do not use iCloud.

Actually, it changed over 5 years ago. You can still sync with a computer over a USB cable, but you must turn off syncing over the internet. Go to Settings/Mail/Accounts, tap on each account, and turn off the switch for syncing. If all switches are off it should allow you to sync using iTunes.

If you have an Office 365 account you can sync contacts and calendars using it, but that will not bring in contacts that resided on your computer before you set it up. If you have iOS 16 open Contacts tap on the List view; them move your contacts from the “on my iPhone” to your Office 365 account. For Calendar open the Calendar app and tap on Calendars, and make sure all Calendars are checked.

Calendars and contacts sync to the mail server that hosts your email account, not between your iPhone and your computer. If both are logged in to the same email account(s) the contacts, calendar, notes, and Reminders will sync.