Yeah--it's hard stuff. If you had a deck of 53 cards, how long would it take you to find the duplicate? How about 53 similar pictures? How about 10,000 pictures? And Photos doesn't want to do it while you're busy with your pictures, because that would slow it down so much. It looks for pictures that may have different filenames, different dates, different resolutions, but still look the same. It's hard.
So, when there is a lot of background processing to be done by Photos, we plug the computer in over night and leave it running, but we put another app (like a finder window) in front so Photos will be freed up to do the scanning.
While there are several apps that will scan for duplicates if they are floating free in the Finder, they will wreak havoc on pictures inside the Photos package. Beware!
Before Ventura introduced duplicate scanning in Photos, the program that most people used to deal with duplicates was PowerPhotos ($30-- they have trial versions). Using it works, but you've got to spend a lot of time with it. Another technique if you're looking for identical pictures with the same date and filenam: PowerPhotos can provide a list in order of date, and you can examine pictures taken at exactly the same time. And we still use PowerPhotos for all kinds of useful stuff.