How to find out if someone can access my phone number and email address and apps

Use Safety Check to:

• Change your Apple Password
• View if others are logged into your account and remove them.
• Review/Change your Trusted Phone number on your account
• Review data that is being shared to others.

Safety Check for an iPhone with iOS 16 or later - Apple Support

If your email address is from a third party provider, then you should change the password on their website.

"How to find out if someone can access my phone number and email address and apps : Ex has my phone account on her computer and has known a lot of stuff she shouldn’t lately."

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Secure your Account:

If concerned for device access, then (A)verify your devices, and (B)secure your account. Open a new eMail address and use that for your Apple ID.

1. Verify your Devices:

Verify that all devices are logged in to your account, by using this link: Check your Apple ID Device List to See where you're Signed in - Apple Support

then...

2. Modify your Credentials:

Having been stollen, someone lily has your credentials. So, by all means, modifying them.

• Modify: your login credentials (Using Both a New eMail and a New Password for each and all sites)
• Associate: a different method of payment to your account
• Enable: Two-Factor Authentication for Apple ID and for all other accounts that have such an applicable option