Airpods connect to device even when I disable auto-connect option

I use my Airpods with noise canceling to block the sounds when I fall asleep.

I have multiple iOS devices. My family member borrowed one of my devices. I have previously disabled the Airpods from autoconnecting to that device specifically because my family borrow it frequently. Also, I rarely use that device, and I NEVER use Airpods with that device.

Despite my having disabled autoconnection, the Airpods still randomly connect to that device. When I was sleeping, my family member started watching a video on that device, not realizing that it connected to my Airpods because we made sure before that it would not happen.

I got blasted with loud video sounds in the middle of my sleep.

So, obviously one cannot trust Apple to respect such important setting.

At the same time, I cannot delete Airpods from that device without deleting it from ALL my devices due to the dysfunctional need to force-sync paired devices across all devices on my Apple ID (what iodine deficient PM thought it would be a good idea?).

I am writing this post in the middle of a night with a splitting headache and my heart pumping because I was ripped out of deep sleep.

Apple wants to venture into health device territory, given its latest initiatives. I don't think the quality of your work qualifies you. For all the smug attitude you project in your marketing—how hard is it to make your device respect a simple toggle setting??

I am extremely upset. This has ruined my night and affected my health.

What are my options to prevent this from happening apart from not using Apple products again?

By the way, it also sometimes stops respecting the volume of system sounds (like low battery warning or switch between transparency/noise canceling): I have it set to low, but occasionally it starts playing those chimes at full volume.