Nicely done, I think that ENDS this discussion.
While I believe I've read all I could, and most likely the link you supplied, I tried again, First clicking the link:
Setting up Home Sharing in iTunes
Then reading down I saw:
Note: After enabling Home Sharing, the Home icon representing your computer is no longer visible.
This was the ISSUE all along. I have my home sharing enable in iTunes prefs, I also enable it manually through the menu, and everytime I clicked "DONE", it disappeared, NOW I see this is the normal behavior! Since I have always been able to access my shared Library via my iPad on my own wireless network, I should have "assumed" this was the "normal" behavior, and now I KNOW it is. I think that's all we were after all along. Thanks! End of "issue" for me.