**update**
I know I just posted all that crap above, but I just got off the phone with Apple support and I've learned a little more about this problem. it's kind of a "oh, duh" moment for me, but well...there you go. So I have the following set up in Calendar:
1. Exchange calendar tied to myname@company.com (work)
2. 3 iCloud calendars set up tied to my Apple ID/iCloud account (home)
I use Mail, and it is setup like this:
1. Exchange email account tied to myname@company.com (work)
2. Apple ID/iCloud account (home)
After a little troubleshooting with Apple, basically it comes down to this: Exchange does not have any integration with iCloud whatsoever obviously, so when someone sends a calendar invite to my Exchange account (myname@company.com)...the ONLY calendar I can apply it to is my Exchange calendar. If I look at the event, in either Mail or Calendar, accept it, and then change it to iCloud...it's going to send out emails to the other invitees because it's switching between servers essentially. This also is the reason why when I accepted an Exchange calendar invite in Mail, but didn't see it in Calendar....because I didn't have Exchange enabled in Calendar and there is no way for the event to cross over to iCloud.
The Apple rep told me that as long as the calendar event stays within the original email address eco system, there won't be any declines on changes. So if my wife sends me one to my iCloud Home calendar, and I want to change it to Vacation in iCloud, that's fine, and she won't get a decline. If she sends to my Exchange email address and I move it to iCloud Vacation, then she will get a decline email because I moved servers.
Moral of the story is this: you can't use iCloud with your Exchange email. You have to keep the two separate until Apple comes out with some kind of plug-in that can be installed on the Exchange server to make it play nice...which I don't see happening :-).