i tried everything too. it would work for a while after each fix (restore etc), and pick up the 3G network, but after a while (sometimes hours, sometimes minutes) it would stop working on the 3G network. calls, texting and internet - nothing would work on 3G. the phone worked if I switched 3G off, which is fine for calls and sms, but way too slow for data.
apple finally gave me a new phone with the old OS on it. They still won't admit there's a problem, or don't know exactly what it is, i'm guessing because this issue is not effecting a lot of users.
I too am scared to upgrade to iOS5 because I don't want to risk going through not being able to use my phone again. I need it for work/life too much for it not to be able to pick up a 3G signal.
What seemed to set the problem going for me was using the new notification center panel in the iOS5. I presume that feature constantly connects to the internet to be updated, so maybe that was what caused my 3G signal to fail. Anybody else notice that? It seemed to be the trigger for my signal issues.