Well, I have some reasonably good news. as I mentioned before, I have been dealing with this for months now.
The good news is that all of my idevices are currently syncing properly. Here is what I have learned.
In my cases, each time the system has failed, it has been caused by itunes match. The sync failures are immediately proceeded by massive amounts of duplicate empty playlists in itunes. From what I can gather, this is caused by my daughters creating playlists while not online using their ipods. This must be avoided at all costs. I don't understand the exact cause, but its result is complete.
The first step is to clear out these playlists from itunes. You have to be slow and patient when clearing them out. Removing too many at a time will cause your machines to be "detached" from itunes match. Delete about 100 at a time, then update itunes match by hand. Repeat this until all the duplicates are removed. Then remove your machine from itunes match. Then add your machine back in to itunes match. Wait a few minutes to allow the machine to resync. You will likely find there are more duplicates to remove. Repeat the cycle until they are all removed.
Once all duplicate lists are gone from itunes, its time to attack the devices.
I have found that even though itunes cannot sync or backup the devices, they can still back themselves up to icloud. Go ahead and set your device to back up to icloud, then do a backup. Make sure it completes before continuing.
Plug in your first idevice and do a full restore. When it boots back up, make sure to restore it from icloud. It will take quite a while. After the restore completes, it will attempt to download all the apps from apple. If you turn off wireless at this point, itunes will kick in and start transfering the apps to your idevice from your local library. Even of you don't have the apps local, your idevice will grab them from apple the next time you go online. the restore process is very reliable. I have not lost settings so far.
You will need to repeat this for each of your idevices that is not syncing. the process takes roughly 4 hours to clean itunes and then another 4-5 hours for each device backup and restore. In my case that comes up to roughly 28 hours of work every time this happens. Its not worth it, but what choice do I have.
I have been through this three times now. Currently one of my daughters is grounded for creating playlists on their iphone, and if this happens again, they lose itunes match.
I keep hoping Apple figures out a way to solve this forever. Sync has now turned in to the nightmare chain gang that Jobs despised so.
Good Luck!