I have no problem with my 4s and my Ford SYNC. Neither has my wife, with her 4s - with also a Ford SYNC.
I will repeat the steps:
Set your car system to Bluetooth mode
Make sure your 4s has its Bluetooth ON
BTW, have your car system connected with your 4s...it is simple to do, but it takes some steps!
Verify that all of the above have been done.
Plz come back here and tell us how you did!
If everything else fails...turn off the Bluetooth in your 4s...you'll get the voice thru the phone only, but at the same time you'll lose the "hands-free' phone function - not good!
My last free advice: Do not try to set everyhing up while you are driving...park your car, then play with the 4s and the car's system, and I'm sure it will work at the end :-)