TL;DR: The fix worked for me BUT my machine was still broken, unbeknownst to me. Convinced an Apple Store manager to replace the hardware for me.
I held out with my original hardware and hoped there would be a fix, despite quite a negative experience on the phone with Apple Customer Support that contradicted everything in this thread. (This was Adobe's problem, nothing they could do, and indeed there was no fix scheduled to go out). Talk to a higher-up you say? This WAS the higher-up.
The fix came out, Photoshop worked fine. A month passes, and I install my first game on this laptop (DotA2, via the Steam client). ***The same glitch is back now, but in the game***. It's also more sporadic and thus harder to reproduce. It happens more in hot environments than in cold.
I notice it happening with Google Hangout video chat as well.
Luckily, I grabbed video of it happening before it crashed. Unluckily, I couldn't reproduce the issue at the Apple Store. But, between this photo evidence, and being very lucky in convincing the manager there to use his discretion to replace the machine.
If you plan to ever play games, use video chat, or any other graphics-intensive programs on your machine, I would seriously consider testing this out now before it gets any later.