I am sorry for your loss.
Apple has no way to bypass a lock code on an iPhone. The code exists solely on the phone; it is not stored anywhere else, and there is no way to get it out of the phone. As deggie said, there are two options. If the phone was synced with a computer you should be able to connect to that computer and back up the phone without having to enter the passcode. Have you tried this?
The other possibility is the phone was backed up to iCloud. You can tell if this is the case by connecting to a computer and looking in iTunes. Click on the phone's name in iTunes. The iTunes screen will show the dates of the last local backup and last iCloud backup.
If the backup exists in either or both places you can simply restore the phone and the passcode will be removed; you can then restore the backup.
As far as music is concerned, any iTunes purchased music should already be in iTunes on the computer that is authorized to the iTunes account, and if it isn't it can be downloaded to iTunes again. And any non-iTunes music (CDs or MP3s) MUST be on the computer, as that is the only way they can be transferred to the iPhone.
Photos in the Photos app on the iPhone must also be on the computer they were transferred from. Photos in the Camera Roll that were not transferred to the computer (which would be unusual) will still be in the computer or iCloud backup. And if Photo Stream was enabled they will also be in iCloud and on any computers that synced to the same iCloud account.
I suggest you find a local iPhone expert to work with on recovering the content using the methods described if you are not comfortable doing it yourself. Whatever you do, do not try to guess the passcode. He may have set it to erase the phone after 10 failed attempts. If this has happened there is no way to recover anything from the phone.
Finally, it is rumored (but not confirmed) that Apple can extract data from a locked phone if they have physical possession of the phone. An Apple store cannot do this; there is supposedly a lab within Apple's headquarters that can do this for law enforcement authorities. They probably disassemble the phone and physically access the phone's memory. The rumor also says that there is a backlog of requests that go back many weeks, so even law enforcement must wait. If you want to try this approach submit an executive request by addressing Tim Cook directly. He will not respond, but he has a staff that reviews all messages that go to him. Note that this does not mean that Apple can unlock the phone; they can extract data from the phone if the rumor is correct.